A brand new start after returning back from HongKong!
No matter where I am or who I with
No matter in the morning or during the night…
No matter how old I am,
The feeling is always with mi…
Now I found out that my heart got problem
My heart might stop beating anytime…I really felt that my time was limited
I still got a lot of things have not fulfill yet…
I also do not know how to tell my mum…
I believe she also cant accept this blow as I’m the only daughter that she had…
But I know that I need to settle my family stuffs first before I can fulfill my wishes..
If really I still have the time,I really hope by:
24- my career will settle down
24/25- have my very first boyfriend
26- settle my family debts
27- Able to travel to Australia & Taiwan with my bf to spend our time together with no one
28- able to get marry with a romantic environment like at the beach and have our honey moon at 维多利亚
29- Start my own family
30- Have my very own family photos with my children and husband
31- Teach my own child to be independent
35- Travel with my family for holiday
37 onwards- I’m able to leave this world with no regrets as all my loved ones have their own happiness
But I know that part of my wishes will not come true! As there’s no guy will accept their half who is fat,ugly,big size,skins that fill with scars and even die any minutes from now.
Now One of my sister had found her happiness! Hope my another sister also can found her happiness too.
PS: I really miss you! You are still in my heart, a very deep corner that I do want you to come out. No matter what I believe time will heals everything.
Dreamt that I was being push down from a ver tall building
So went to check it out what does that means…
Yet It’s so true!
Went to do research abt my illness yet I do not have the courage to tell my loved ones.
I do not know when it will stop beating, but I will try my best to make my loved ones stay happy.
I hope I can see you again before I leave this world.Leaving the world without any regret is what I always want to do. There’s no reason for mi to continue as my existence is a trouble to the people around mi!
I’m not ALONE.
I have my FAMILY and SISTERS with mi!
PS: Just wanted to share with you. Finally I had found a job in Raffle Place. A place that I want to work a lot of time. How have u been? Doing fine? I hope you are :)
I’m not sure…
I even asked myself whether I’m able to get marry in future
The only reason I asked myself is because I ‘m cant even have a one that suit mi or I can said I do not know how to see guys…
SL was right! I can said “it’s ok for mi if I cant get one”
But once my age turns 24,26,28 or even 30,will I able to say the same thing as what I told SL?
I REALLY DOUBT MYSELF!!!
Biases towards guys were really not I want…as most of the guys that I met is almost the same…What can I do?
Too much failed relationships and marriage examples happened around mi…
Very real example was big cousin. I really don want that to happen on mi and I don want my children to have an incomplete family!
Guys that woo mi in the past always gave mi a scene as what I’m predicted! Except jiejing and eric which is unpredictable.
Yet they are not the one that give mi the feeling. I can sense their sincere but I can’t play with their feeling.
Tianhuar is the first one and after 4 years, Sam is the second one!
Common thing is they are both malaysian
Sometimes I really think am I too picky abt guys or not a single guy will have their eyes on mi…
It’s truth that I still haven walk out! I still miss him, I still like him,I still sad for him, I still dream of him. But I can’t help
I cant control my mind and heart. I only can let time passes quickly, lock myself in my own world and drama world. A world that have no guys and completely darkness.
Mum even asked mi whether I’m able to find a bf
Yet I answer her in a joking way that I will be realistic towards my bf if he confess to mi for marriage.
I know what she’s worry abt…But I cant give her a serious answer.
Coz I really doubt myself!
I can ignore everything but I cant ignore my family feeling and matters as my very very main concern was them!
I do not want my mother to feel down.Neither do I want my “realistic” family to say those nasty words to my loved one.
Honestly specking…I really think that I very useless and no one will want mi.It proven it and I can only accept
I let down my family and sisters.I’m really sorry
Sick for this two days really made mi think a lot.
Only thing that I can stay happy as last time was to occupy myself will work. Even there’s no OT…I also will tired myself
Sing it loud and listen to happy songs are the one way!
PS: I LOVED YOU! YET I CAN’T HAVE YOU! Even I know you will not loved mi back after all I did, I will also never regret my decision. Just like the song called “靠近一点点”. “就算让我知道我永远只是单恋,我也会藏着感谢笑着和你说再见”. This what I really mean. I will not cry for you coz too much tears that I dropped are due to guys.I do not have the courage to cry coz I do not have the position to do that. Therefore pls treat is as a wishing that I said to your future gf. This is for you:
“我不敢哭 或許也是種認輸 愛你卻說不出 就當作祝福”
Although it’s incomplete, a family w/o my 2nd uncle
But I still can feel the warmth that were given by them
Yet there’s still doubts in my mind
I’ve been wonder why am I making myself feel so terrible
After so many months of hard work…Family matters had finally settle down
Bro’s sch fee had alr discuss with my parent after ytd midnight…
There’s no reasons why I still need to go back to donation job.
Been that biz for almost 6 years…really it’s time to step out
But why I still cant told them that I’m leaving.
Been telling myself that pitch is the only job that I can forget you and tired myself
Yet I was wrong…
Instead of forgetting you….I just make myself feel more terrible
N there’s nothing I can do to help myself
Only thing that I hope that I will not take too long to….
PS: Miss you so much and there’s nothing I can do.Only thing is to let time pass and forget you as time goes…